I am Brian and I was addicted to social media.
Many times I have been told over the last few years that I am a "marketing and social networking guru". So why would a marketing and social networking "guru" spend over two months on a social media break? Read on to find out why.
Everyone knows that I am very extroverted. The last couple of years, I have noticed that I am pretty wiped out after socializing and need more time to "recover" from the energy I put into networking. Could I now be considered an "ambivert"?
Towards the end of May, I was completely exhausted, wiped out and had little energy. It was starting to feel like I needed to be everything to everyone. Something had to give. And it wasn't going to be me.
I was spending an excessive amount of my time on various social media platforms. I justified it as "networking", "connecting", "marketing" and "supporting my fellow therapists". You know - I'm the "social media guy". I had an important reputation to uphold.
I felt an internal desire to "like" all posts or provide resources for almost every single post. I just could not do this any longer. It was too much. And I needed to be ok with any rejection or disappointment from others that may have resulted.
And the news feeds were destructive to my soul. I did not posses the capacity in my spirit to withhold the pain I was witnessing.
I stopped watching the news years ago and have replaced the garbage with a daily morning meditation routine with...
- Refreshing breaths
- Loving intention
- Daily mantra
I am very lucky to have super supportive and generous friends. My life would be much less rich and exciting without them. I participated in a "guys trip" somewhere in the mosquito-riddled, north woods of Wisconsin on June 1st.
The first day of the month felt like a natural starting point for me. Maybe I'm just a little OCD? I posted a picture I took of some woodsy nature and a blurb on all of my social media accounts - I would be "heading into the wild" for about a week and that I would be back in a week.
That one week turned into 69 days!!! And although you may think or hope, that it was clearly intentional, it surprisingly and honestly was not.
One of my bands performed in August and I wasn't promoting it - at all. Good old "Catholic guilt" and an obligation to my fellow band mates took over. I needed to return to the socials but needed a pretty damn good excuse. Rock n' Roll was as good an excuse as any. And I was ok with that.
The first few days of my own self-imposed social media break was actually quite easy. I was with my friends and there were various stimulating activities to keep me occupied. Distraction helped to ward off any impulses to check my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest or LinkedIn accounts.
Could I actually do this?
I also used Snapchat, but I found myself spending too much time being sucked into it's rabbit hole. (There are so many deep, deep rabbit holes.) I then deactivated that account. And I don't regret it. It was just too much and I often struggle with impulse control.
One of the most challenging aspects of this break was noticing the amount of time that others spent on their electronic devices. I became frustrated with others who seemed to be constantly on their phones.
Quite often I caught myself judging others (including my wife) when I saw them on social media. This was something I knew might happen, so it was nice to use positive and calming self-talk when I found myself being harsh in my thoughts.
The second week of my break was probably the most difficult. I felt an itch and curiosity to check my pages to see if there was any activity. That comes from my incessant need to be noticed, liked and loved. Extrinsic motivation. Negative attention.
Our brains receive millions of chemicals called oxytoxin and dopamine when we get "likes" and "comments" and "follows" and "hearts". And my brain is no different.
After the second week, I decided to take a full month off. July 1st would be the day I returned to social media with all the fanfare and blowing whistles. And then the sun came out.
"Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, having a wonderful time" - Sherman/Lewis
Summers in Minnesota are fleeting and short. Like many of us in the great, dark northern states, I most likely live with a moderate form of Seasonal Affective Disorder and probably mild depression. When the sun came out, I followed it outside to play.
November through March are difficult months for me and for many of us in the upper midwest. So thank goodness for my HappyLight!
I also struggle with anxiety as a Musician/Performing Artist:
- Will anyone come to our show?
- Will we get paid?
- Am I making a fool of myself?
And self-esteem issues as an entrepreneur/therapy business owner:
- Am I a good therapist?
- Why would clients want to work with me?
- Will I make rent?
July 1st passed on by. And I felt absolutely no desire to return to social media. None at all. Zero. And it was beautiful. My brain cleared some space. Files were deleted and sent to the trash. I emptied the trash and my head felt lighter. I felt happier and more at peace with myself.
And there was more space in my mind to create art and music. To write songs for our forthcoming concept album. I simply could not write songs when I was addicted to social media. It simply was not possible because...
There was TOO MUCH NOISE.
FOMO was literally killing me.
So I wrote and wrote and wrote...
And wrote music on a synthesizer keyboard. I'm a trombonist, so this was definitely a challenge.
And I felt much more present and in tune with every one of my therapy clients. I was able to listen more deeply and felt even more compassion for their pain.
And created abstract paintings in a different style than my usual "Happy Little Clouds" by Bob Ross.
And read 5 books. And remembered what I read. Including The Phantom Tollbooth - my favorite!
And spent quality, mindful time with our dog, brushing and bathing him. Taking him on walks and hikes and noticing his soft, fluffy fur as I gently rubbed his belly. Awww...
And collaborated with our songwriting team to record ten new kick-ass tracks that could not have been created if I had not taken this break. In my heart I know this to be true.
And I had more time. Honestly. It felt as if I gained two more hours of my day. At least. It felt amazing!
THREE SIMPLE TIPS TO HELP YOU OVERCOME SOCIAL MEDIA ADDICTION:
- Circle a date on your calendar that you will start your break
- Start small - one hour, one day, one week... you get the picture
- Reward yourself with a tasty treat for accomplishing your goal
There are so many people who supported me during the past couple of months. My wife was completely understanding and supportive. Her ability to "handle me" is and always will be a National Treasure.
Here's a shout-out to a couple of amazing therapy friends who knowingly or unknowingly helped guide me along the way. I could not have accomplished this without their support:
To my social media network friend and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania therapist colleague Melvin Varghese for his inspiration to take a break from social media. He mentioned on his Selling The Couch website that he takes several of these breaks a year and always feels refreshed and re-energized when he returns. I knew I had to give it a shot. Melvin, you're a rock star!
A warm and fuzzy thanks to Apple Valley, Minnesota therapist, Julie Anderson for introducing and encouraging me to utilize the Buffer social media app. I use the free version and there is a paid version as well. Buffer allows you to create multiple posts and then schedule them out as you wish. It can save time, energy and is one of the most convenient apps I have found to help my therapy business. As well as to promote my music and band performances. Thanks Julie and good luck with your own break from social media!
If this article has helped to encourage more people to take a break from social media, it was well worth the time to write it. This break has truly changed my life for the better. And for the better of those around me.
And I hope you give it a shot. You have my full support and I emphatically encourage everyone to consider what taking a break from social media would look and feel like for you.
I am proud and relieved to say that I am no longer addicted to checking my pages, clicks, likes, mentions or comments. "I don't need to respond to everything".
My biggest takeaway from the experience was probably achieving more of a sense of balance in my life. Sure, I can check my pages. But not every single hour like I used to feel before. Self-discipline and holding myself accountable have been challenging, but very rewarding.
And, much like our lives, it is a work in progress. I am now even more energized and excited to help more people take the brave risk of putting down your phone. And enjoying more of life. And clearing some space in your own head for your self, your family, your relationships, your music, your art.
That first step is always a doozy. But damn... it feels so fucking good to be in better control of my time. And I lovingly wish the same for you.
My wife, our dog and I are heading up to the Norshore soon and am once again taking a break from social media.
Be good to yourselves!
If you or someone you know is struggling with social media addiction, FOMO or technology codependency - call me now at 952-892-8433 to get help and support.