Most couples come to counseling on an average of six years after problems started. We all know that divorce costs much more than repairing your relationship. You wouldn't be here if you didn't think there was hope for your marriage. I help committed couples find more ways to emotionally and physically connect with each other. You are committed because you are not planning on a separation or divorce. Part of my work includes the Five Love Languages to improve the spark and excitement that you once had. Perhaps you've lost that loving feeling and are feeling hurt, confused, lost or alone.
Here's what couples counseling with me might look and feel like:
- You and your partner are committed to saving your marriage and relationship. Being in a relationship isn't always easy and I can help you feel more connected with your partner. Couples therapy requires patience and commitment as we delicately navigate through powerful and delicate emotions. I will validate your struggles and delicate emotions and I will support you throughout the process of learning about yourself and your partner.
- Both partners need to be able to explain their own perspective, and I am here to help you through the process. I am very careful pace our sessions so you do not feel overwhelmed with a sense of emotional flooding. The session time will be shared so that I am able to hear and validate both partners.
- As a husband of nearly 12 years and as a 40-year-old male, I am aware of my own perspective and struggles. It is often a challenge for myself to be vulnerable with my wife and to simply listen to her, when I know it is the best thing for our relationship. Brene Brown has done excellent research and writing about vulnerability within relationships. I look forward to joining with you in your journey to find more peace and balance within your relationship. You are experts of your own relationship and know that you already have solutions and answers. I am honored to help guide you into feeling more emotionally and physically connected as a couple who are committed to building a stronger and more fulfilling relationship together.
- "Things may get worse before they get better". During our work together, some very strong emotions may arise as we work through family of origin issues, hurtful memories and current struggles. I encourage couples I work with to maintain a consistent self-care routine. It's often amazing what a brisk walk in nature or consistent yoga practice can do for us!
- Let's talk about sex... Your sex life isn't what it used to be. You're not getting "turned on" and you don't feel attractive or sexy any more. Your husband doesn't tell you that you look "hot" or that he wants to make love to you any more. Here are some of the many reasons why you may not be emotionally or physically connecting: infidelity, cheating, co-dependency, finances, pornography, lower libido, erectile dysfunction, emotionally unavailable partner, children, career, anger problems, drug or alcohol addictions... I help couples talk about topics that are not easy to talk about, such as feelings of emotional pain, sadness and disappointment.
- I will not allow hurtful venting, heated arguments or verbal abuse during our time together. This is certainly not helpful and will ultimately delay progress. My office is a designated safe space for couples to share emotions, change behaviors and to improve their relationship. I will support and encourage you towards shared common goals that we will agree upon together in our first session.
- I can help you re-discover your love and compassion for one other. I can also help improve your ability to soften & turn towards your partner, instead of emotionally cutting off or shutting out your partner. "Stonewalling" is one of the most devastating members of the "4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse".