Most couples seek counseling an average of six years after problems started. Yep! Not a typo - SIX YEARS!!! And we all know that divorce costs much more than repairing your relationship. You wouldn't be here if you didn't hold hope for and believe in saving your marriage.
I help committed couples find more effective ways to emotionally and physically connect with each other. You are committed because you are not thinking about or wanting to separate or divorce.
Part of our work together will include learning about your Five Love Languages to improve the energy and excitement that you once had. Perhaps you've lost that loving feeling and your feelings are hurt, and you are confused and feel lost or alone.
Here are some couples counseling expectations:
- You and your partner are committed to saving your marriage and relationship. Being in a relationship isn't always easy and I can help you feel more connected with your partner. Couples therapy requires patience and commitment as we delicately navigate through powerful and delicate emotions. I will validate your struggles and delicate emotions and I will support you throughout the process of learning about yourself and your partner.
- Each partner is allowed time and space to describe their experience from their own perspective. I am here to help you through that process. I am also very careful about pacing our sessions so that couples do not become too overwhelmed with a sense of emotional flooding. Time in sessions will be shared so that I am able to listen and validate each partner.
- As a husband of 13 years and as a 41-year-old male, I am aware of my own perspective and struggles. It is often a challenge for myself to be vulnerable with my wife and to simply listen to her, when I know it is the best thing for our relationship. Brene Brown has done excellent research and writing about vulnerability within relationships.
- During our work together, some very strong emotions may arise as we work through family of origin issues, hurtful memories and current struggles. I encourage couples to maintain a consistent self-care routine. It's often amazing what a brisk walk in nature or consistent yoga practice can do!
- Let's talk about sex... I help couples talk about topics that are not easy to talk about, such as sexual desires and needs as well as feelings of emotional pain, sadness and disappointment. Your sex life isn't what it used to be. You're not getting "turned on" and you don't feel attractive or sexy any more. Your partner doesn't tell you that you look "hot" or that they want to make love to you any more. Here are some of the many reasons why you may not be emotionally or physically connecting: infidelity, cheating, co-dependency, finances, pornography, mismatched libido, erectile dysfunction, physically or emotionally unavailable partner, children, career, anger problems, partner's mental health concerns, drug or alcohol addictions...
- I do not allow hurtful venting, heated arguments or verbal abuse during our time together. This is certainly not helpful and will ultimately delay progress. My office is a designated safe space for couples to share emotions, change behaviors and to improve their relationship. I will support and encourage you towards shared common goals that we will agree upon together in our first session.
- I can help you re-discover your love and compassion for one other. I can also help improve your ability to soften & turn towards your partner, instead of emotionally cutting off or shutting out your partner. "Stonewalling" is one of the most devastating members of the "4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse" and has the ability to destroy intimate relationships within a very short period of time.
- I look forward to helping you in your journey to find more peace and balance within your relationship. It is my honor to help guide you to feeling more emotionally and physically connected as a couple who are committed to building a stronger and more fulfilling relationship together.